So That's What It Feels Like!

If I heard him say it once ...I heard it 1,000 times: "I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin" and then he would swallow what he called a "funny pill". That was my Dad.  He was a bundle of nerves and I never really understood what he meant until just a few weeks ago.  While I was alone and practicing the discipline of "being still" before the Lord, I realized just how much I am like my Dad was.  I never realized what it felt like to be totally quiet and still until I determined I really needed to. This was to be a major part of my get-away.  It was a directive from God and I meant to do what He asked.

After about 3 days of no TV, no radio, no company, no phone calls and total peace and quiet, I experienced a calmness I had never felt before.  I began to understand what Dad meant when he was uptight but ...only as I became "unwound".  I guess I have been "uptight" my whole life.  It's hard to miss something you've never experienced, therefore I never missed being totally calm and relaxed. Nervous energy was what I called it but really it was deeper than that.  I think I had some trust issues with God providing ALL of my needs.

I realized that my constant state of being wound tight has alienated some people because of a sense of unease and nervousness I may have projected.  I regret that deeply but I can't undo the past and it certainly will not do anybody any good to live in remorse.  Now what?  I have made some major commitments and one of them is to slow down and enjoy the moments I have with my network of friends.  Life is too short and meaningful times of connections that are lost are truly lost forever.

That's one thing.  There are more.